It no more felt as if I was falling….. falling freely, it just felt numb, whether it was the fear or the physics of it, I donno, it must have barely been 10 seconds since gravity became the only force in my life. It was frightening in the first two seconds, then on I guess I got used to it. Of course I dint wish this was happening, yet I could do nothing else, could I? I saw her though, ahead of me, as if she was there, right then, floating just below me, hair flowing free, those wild eyes looking at me. What was she asking me, I couldn’t figure out, I guess I could never figure her out. Maybe this is what made me crazy for her, maybe….
“Hello…” She sounded bored, was she ? Or was it just the normal? Why isn’t she excited? Is she just pretending? God my head, its aching now, I just need to get down to business, “Hello Rhea, you dint sleep yet huh?” “Obviously or else you would have heard me snoring ass” “Well, you got my message dint you this afternoon?” “Yeah, I did, whats the deal, you said, you were gonna do something at about 12, whats the time now Arjun?” “Its 12” “Oh, is it ? I dint know, sorry, why tell me whats this big thing?” “Its just that ….” “Just that … what ?” “Just that I think I Love You”…..
This was nothing compared to that day, gravity is an easier force than tension. Mind, I say is a man’s greatest enemy, It is just so fucking pathetic, it just exactly does the opposite of what one wants. Say, you are gonna tell your crush that you think you love her, the last thing you want your mind to do is show you the worst case scenario, but it does precisely that, and that too in vivid clarity, each detail of it seems absolutely clear, you feel its not even necessary you call her up in the midnight and tell her about this new idea. You see her, wearing that pretty blue night gown of hers, picking up the phone, and listening patiently through your bullshit, and then politely telling, “Arjun, I thought we were friends, good friends, I dint think of you that way, sorry”, and then you can see yourself a failure, you couldn’t even make a gal like you, what the fuck are you good for?
“Arjun, what are you saying? Are you drunk ?” “No, I am not, I guess I should have told you this earlier, but, never too late I guess, I adore you, I wish that you stay forever in my life, I donno if I am creeping you out, but yeah what I said is true” “Hmmm…. what should I say?” “You might say ‘Yes, I love you too’” “Shut up Arjun, this is no childs play, I dint even think of you that way ever” “You dint, dint you ….”
All these people, did all of them go through what I went through that day? If yes, then I guess its not such a big deal for them right now to sit in an aircraft at roughly 30000 ft from sea level, losing a lot of feet with each passing second. Death, it is not something one should be afraid of, love is much worse than Death. Death just kills, love tortures. At each point, love tortures you so bad, you almost wish you dint get into this, but then when you make an effort to get out of it, you realize that you somehow have grown fond of this torture, that this torture is like sleeping pills for insomniacs, you just need it.
“See Arjun, I like you, you are a good guy, you have always been nice to me, a great friend, why don’t let us stay that way?” “Rhea please, I have never been someone to fall in love with every other girl I meet, It is the first time this has happened to me and the first time ever that I am telling to a gal, please take your time if you need to” “Arjun, see I have a lot of restrictions, I am not a guy, I have to consider a lot of things, can you wait?” “I will wait till my life ends…”
I guess I have truly kept my promise, my life was surely going to end within the next few seconds, well, I can wait for that much too, I don’t stand to lose anything do I ? But, why should I love her so much, why should I, even at death think of a gal who has kept me waiting for a favourable reply for 3 years. Why? Maybe its because this was the most truthful relationship I ever had, one with no hidden secrets. Even though she couldn’t become my lady love, she had definitely become my best friend. Bye Rhea, I guess you are the only one I need to say goodbye to, I had done the ritual once at the airport an hour earlier while bidding goodbye to mom and dad. So, hope you live well, love you as much as I always do… bye
“Rhea, what if I die tomorrow?” “I will finally be left alone…. lol :P” “lol”. . .
