10 seconds

It no more felt as if I was falling….. falling freely, it just felt numb, whether it was the fear or the physics of it, I donno, it must have barely been 10 seconds since gravity became the only force in my life. It was frightening in the first two seconds, then on I guess I got used to it. Of course I dint wish this was happening, yet I could do nothing else, could I? I saw her though, ahead of me, as if she was there, right then, floating just below me, hair flowing free, those wild eyes looking at me. What was she asking me, I couldn’t figure out, I guess I could never figure her out. Maybe this is what made me crazy for her, maybe….

“Hello…” She sounded bored, was she ? Or was it just the normal? Why isn’t she excited? Is she just pretending? God my head, its aching now, I just need to get down to business, “Hello Rhea, you dint sleep yet huh?” “Obviously or else you would have heard me snoring ass” “Well, you got my message dint you this afternoon?” “Yeah, I did, whats the deal, you said, you were gonna do something at about 12, whats the time now Arjun?” “Its 12” “Oh, is it ? I dint know, sorry, why tell me whats this big thing?” “Its just that ….” “Just that … what ?” “Just that I think I Love You”…..

This was nothing compared to that day, gravity is an easier force than tension. Mind, I say is a man’s greatest enemy, It is just so fucking pathetic, it just exactly does the opposite of what one wants. Say, you are gonna tell your crush that you think you love her, the last thing you want your mind to do is show you the worst case scenario, but it does precisely that, and that too in vivid clarity, each detail of it seems absolutely clear, you feel its not even necessary you call her up in the midnight and tell her about this new idea. You see her, wearing that pretty blue night gown of hers, picking up the phone, and listening patiently through your bullshit, and then politely telling, “Arjun, I thought we were friends, good friends, I dint think of you that way, sorry”, and then you can see yourself a failure, you couldn’t even make a gal like you, what the fuck are you good for?

“Arjun, what are you saying? Are you drunk ?” “No, I am not, I guess I should have told you this earlier, but, never too late I guess, I adore you, I wish that you stay forever in my life, I donno if I am creeping you out, but yeah what I said is true” “Hmmm…. what should I say?” “You might say ‘Yes, I love you too’” “Shut up Arjun, this is no childs play, I dint even think of you that way ever” “You dint, dint you ….”

All these people, did all of them go through what I went through that day? If yes, then I guess its not such a big deal for them right now to sit in an aircraft at roughly 30000 ft from sea level, losing a lot of feet with each passing second. Death, it is not something one should be afraid of, love is much worse than Death. Death just kills, love tortures. At each point, love tortures you so bad, you almost wish you dint get into this, but then when you make an effort to get out of it, you realize that you somehow have grown fond of this torture, that this torture is like sleeping pills for insomniacs, you just need it.

“See Arjun, I like you, you are a good guy, you have always been nice to me, a great friend, why don’t let us stay that way?” “Rhea please, I have never been someone to fall in love with every other girl I meet, It is the first time this has happened to me and the first time ever that I am telling to a gal, please take your time if you need to” “Arjun, see I have a lot of restrictions, I am not a guy, I have to consider a lot of things, can you wait?” “I will wait till my life ends…”

I guess I have truly kept my promise, my life was surely going to end within the next few seconds, well, I can wait for that much too, I don’t stand to lose anything do I ? But, why should I love her so much, why should I, even at death think of a gal who has kept me waiting for a favourable reply for 3 years. Why? Maybe its because this was the most truthful relationship I ever had, one with no hidden secrets. Even though she couldn’t become my lady love, she had definitely become my best friend. Bye Rhea, I guess you are the only one I need to say goodbye to, I had done the ritual once at the airport an hour earlier while bidding goodbye to mom and dad. So, hope you live well, love you as much as I always do… bye

“Rhea, what if I die tomorrow?” “I will finally be left alone…. lol :P” “lol”. . .

Ramayana- what is reality ?

The views expressed in this article are personal, by this article, mean no offence to any community or person

After I saw Mani Ratnam’s movie Ravan, I came out with a big question in my mind. What is the reality ? Ravan, the movie at its core questions our knowledge about Ramayana – the pillar stone epic on which most of the hindu society in this country stands. In the movie, the director shows us the story of Rama, as described by Valmiki, but making realistic changes to the script. Rama in the movie is not the purushotthama (the ideal man) he has his vanities, his own methods of attaining his aim of liberating Sita. The ideal Rama of Valmiki is replaced by a planned, organized man who is on a hunt to get back his lady love. Ravana here is again the bad guy, the ugly villain, but the humane side of Ravana is for us to see, why he became a ‘Rakshasa’ and what gives him the motive for abduction is shown. At the end of the movie, the director has asked the audience to choose, who is god, who is demon, and frankly I had no idea.
But, the deeper question that lies beneath all this is what if the story of Ramayana as we know is not what really happened. All that we know is that the locations in the story exist, they are real, but we have no proof as to who was the right guy. Rama is worshipped all over India, but in some specific places in the country Ravana is also treated as a deity. Ravana, a Brahmin of the highest order, a descendant of Brahma himself, a scholar, the most ardent devotee of lord Shiva, the composer of Rudra Stotra, the maker of Rudra Veena, such a wise person had to have solid reasons for abducting Sita, don’t you think? This person who is reputed to have ten heads, thus twenty eyes is implied to know more and see more respectively, would not this person have enough foresight to see complications on his road ahead. Valmiki himself says it was because Ravana’s sister was mistreated by Lakshmana, that Ravana decided to take revenge.
Dramatization is a quality inherent with all writers, say, if you were Valmiki, and you were asked to write a story about one Mr. Ram and one Mr. Ravan, wouldn’t you try and make your protagonist look like the alpha male, Valmiki in his heart , like all other great writers wanted to create a character that could withstand the corrosion of time. His, audience being the extremely religious society, he made his protagonist an avatar of Vishnu, the common deity, this avatar of Vishnu , Ram was bestowed with all ideal qualities a man should have, initial drama to show that the protagonist was suffering came in form of the exile, separation from parents, family, and then from his own beloved wife, now that the character gains sympathy from audience/readers, the author shifts to action, where the protagonist, still very much the ideal man, with the help of an army fight the villain, supernatural powers, a extra powerful army of evil villains, what else do you need to make an epic story ?
I am not saying that the whole story is a fiction, no, that’s not my point at all, but I feel, and strongly believe that facts might not be what we know. We, tend to believe that whats written ages ago has to be true, we forget that ages ago, people existed just like us who understood very well human psychology, and how a book or a work of art can influence generations ahead. But, Ramayan has achieved a very well aimed purpose of giving the people, the aam janta, a god whom they could relate to, one who had suffered all sufferings, thus giving modern age Hinduism a strong foundation. Children hear stories about Ram and Hanuman and Ravan when they are barely two years old, thus inculcating in them an awe and respect for these characters.
At the end of the day, we just know two characters of Rama and Ravana, characters sculptured by Valmiki himself to perfection. It is very interesting to note that slight changes in the character sketches of both Rama and Ravana can change our opinion about them. Because both were men of high standards, very high quality, each a stalwart, I am pretty sure, if we have an intelligent script writer, we can one day produce a story with all incidents in Ramayana as it is , showing Ravana in a favourable light, maybe even as the protagonist. What do you think ?

Intense Intention

This insecurity is making me sick , making me wanna puke in the bin,
Alcohol would taste better, than this feeling inside,
That I am no one in this world I live, I got a name with no recognition,
Fuck ! I Neither got any worth nor worthy designation,
What is the fuckin intent in this intense intention,
The clarity is as clear as a glass windshield on a rain day,
Future lies ahead bounded by barb wires all the way,
Pot holes , booby traps, monsters what not lie ahead,
I got no guts no determination, no aim no inspiration,
Yet one day I must start braving my way through this indignation.
When will I know whats my life for?
Or was it just another extra on the stage of life for,
That Man whose ass I kiss every day,
Pray kneeling on my bed every day.
Why cant he see I am desperate, to make a mark on this stage,
I don’t wanna leave with no name no fame,
I agree I have no aim, what a shame !
But what are You for Mr. God who has no name?
If you cant help your son get a game.
Give me one chance,
Once chance to reality, to attain zero gravity,
to float above men with no real identity,
Wouldn’t leave you with a regret mister messenger,
After all , My life is another page in your big fat register.

Fire

This fire is burning me down,
I feel a volcano underneath,
This calm face and deep frown,
Thinking of you wanna just make me drown.

I see you over there in front of my eyes,
looking as pretty as a sculpture in ice,
Your hair flowing over your spine,
It makes me go crazy, as if on wine

You look so perfect, so beautiful, so sexy,
I just wanna hold you close , close my eyes,
No regret left in this fucking life,
If I died the day I knew you were mine

But fuck it, it is stuck in my windpipe,
Read my eyes coz I am choked,
I wanna tell you to be my life,
Cant you see it in my eyes?

Read them, know them, trust them,
Listen to all those words I never said,
For fear that you will deny,
that there is something special between you and I

what a MESS !!!!

I see somethings on the table,
in my plate, filled with staple,
close my nose, see my platter,
Shit! what a sick disaster,
and they call it food, healthy and tasty,
I see nothing, but a shit sack of potty

potato sits high on this stack,
beaming at my face, loling at his back,
bares its teeth, teasing me to eat,
but how can i, when i need some meat,
forget the meat, but give us some good wheat,
spend some money, get us some nice food to eat

what is ur fucking problem, mr anan?
fridays always just have shitty nan
the gandhi you eat, will make you puke, son of a bitch
what will you do when you retire, wouldnt it even hurt an inch?
you will die of an ulcer, stomach in a terrible disorder,
stop eating money and start putting things in good order.

Where should I knock ? at your door or his ?
is it these oldies whose ass you kiss,
who know nothing but loads of shit,
they think we dont know they are sick,
the disease is a disgrace,its worth a kick,
it is corruption, no pill cures this shit

its fucking high time we kicked their asses,
lets get some good food, ask for some answers,
we neither question, nor make them sweat for their money,
next time you see rubber roti, fuck him honey,
its our right you know that well,
then why the restraint, what the hell!

Not My Day

This heart in me beats a song ,
It is neither rap nor an Elton john,
This music you might know,
it just goes lub dub lub in a flow

It was simple till that day,
I met her on the old subway,
Simple eyes and a sexy smile,
To look away, I did take a while

Heads turned, as she smiled,
Her voice, not a sweeter chime
She whistled, she danced along,
I sweated, panted, tagged along

She turned in a street unknown,
Something caught my eyes ,ever so brown,
A girl in red, as pretty as rose
Her blue eyes, some magic in those

I saw them smile, waving hands
and then, something kicked my ass,
She kissed her and they broke my heart,
I wished I was a gay at heart

I cursed God and I walked away,
Thinking of his strange odd play,
I looked up and heard him say,
No, my son, today is not your day :P

of Kings and Makers

Senate Elections 2010 are knocking on the doors of IIT Roorkee, it has been extremely interesting to observe that people derive more fun from this show of dramatics than from the famed cultural fests. People who have been dormant throughout the year have woken up and jumped into the middle of action. As far as our campus is concerned each person (the voter) is targeted by various means and methods, because of the considerably lesser population. There are three categories of people who basically spring up during these times:
i) The voters (janta) : this group forms the majority, they have no idea as to whom to vote for, and if they do so, it is because of personal relationships, they are tortured by each candidate for hours at length, trying to convince his/her advantage over his opponent. This group of people also engage in a very popular activity called bakar, they discuss seriously all the issues the campus face, who the better candidate is, the pros and the cons and end up drifting off the conversation to females and movies and porn
This group has an inner category known as the facchas.
Facchas : All those enthusiastic, over energetic, confused, latest instillations to the IIT system. They are considered as lambs of the system. Since, these people have no idea as to who is what, and what is any contestants pros and cons, and since they come in large numbers, usually the single largest group of likeminded voters ,the candidates look to bring them over to their side. False promises, out of the box ideas, ‘special treatments’, dominate the publicity agenda. At the end of the day, this group of people play the most crucial role in who makes the cut.
ii) Kings/Queens – This is the second category, they comprise of the contenders fighting for the few posts on offer. Each contender usually has a back up of atleast five loyals, who instill him/her with the much needed confidence throughout the campaign. The most popular reason given by these group of people as to why they are contesting the elections are because a month or so back they had a dream in which he/she was sitting on a throne barking orders at his/her minions. When a king goes campaigning his loyals assist him, it is their responsibility to cast the limelight on the king and to drive away all those who are opposing their kings campaign. The loyals also supply the king and the queen with the necessary nutrition (mostly energy bars, energy drinks, glucose etc) when the votes are counted. Eventually since only one wins, the rest of them just go to the nearest bar and drink down the insult, abusing profusely at the winner and then waking up next day with the lousiest hangover ever.
iii) The Kingmakers – This is an elite class. People who think they are influential, but in fact are not. People who show themselves to be aloof from all politics, but are the ones pouring dirt into it. Some of these kind, show class, well as for some, they openly declare they are kingmakers, thus losing any real credibility to this end. Kingmakers believe they are the ones who truly matter, and behave like godfathers. These people can easily be spotted, they usually walk alone, will have a half burnt cigarette in hand and will always appear to be in deep thought. If his candidate loses, the kingmaker also undergoes the drinking and abusing ceremony.
Its always important the right people are chosen, but the means to this end should be fare, use your discretion to see if you are being bated into casting a vote or if you are voting because you think, this guy is responsible.
Remember : Act intelligent, choose wisely , and say no to filth.